Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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