i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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