I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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