My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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