then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
