I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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