Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize