You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
