If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
