Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
