K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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