apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
