Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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