On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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