I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Randomize
