Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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