the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
