So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
