I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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