No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
one two three fourrrrnication!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
