Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
