Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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