May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
