why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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