I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
