she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
