In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
