after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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