apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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