tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
