Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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