I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
