it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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