Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
