I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
