They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to make out with him forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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