After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
