I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
