Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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