the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
