do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
