Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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