So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
