So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
