No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
