it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
