she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
