just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
