I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love having hate sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want a musical about memes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
