real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize