I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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