Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
