i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
