So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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