billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
