I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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