She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
