i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YAS. BRING CRAB.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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