Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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