There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
