Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
