yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
