I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have already put on my inside pants.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
