Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize